National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. To me, this is the absolutely best holiday movie ever made ever ever ever in our known history of Christmas movies. I love it so much that I’ve watched it every year at Christmas since probably 1989 when it was released. This past week, I watched it again. I annoy my husband because I randomly blurt out lines from the movie since I literally know every single word of the movie. Because it’s become a tradition for me and my family to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation once a year during the holiday season, I figured I would share in my zany obsession. Here are five random facts about the movie, and five of my favorite moments from the movie.
FIVE RANDOM FACTS
Aunt Bethany is Betty Boop.
Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis played siblings in the movie. Now they play a married couple in The Connors.
Rocky, Eddie’s son, doesn’t talk in the movie at all.
Johnny Galecki starred in the only two Christmas movies released that year. The other was Prancer.
Although the movie is called Christmas Vacation, we never actually reach Christmas Day because the movie ends on Christmas Eve.
FIVE FAVORITE MOMENTS
1. BEND OVER AND I’ll SHOW YOU.
Todd: Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I’ll show you.
Todd: You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.
Clark: I wasn’t talking to you.
2. HEAD SEWN TO THE CARPET
Clark: If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.
3. WE NEEDED A COFFIN
We needed a coffin. I mean, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Louis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best as I could. Voila!
4. HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS
Clark: We’re gonna have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny Fuckin’ Kaye. And Santa squeezes his fat wide ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
5. WHERE’S THE TYLENOL? (This one is my favorite.)
Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?